Four years ago I wasn’t in a good place. I was struggling. I’m not sure if many outside my immediate family sensed anything was off.
Earlier that year we had our second child, born early, but doing well. Later we would find out she had other health complications we have learned to do life with. My dad also had a bad accident, which lead to other health issues.
I wasn’t myself. I knew that. It was obvious. I wasn’t sleeping. I was overly emotional. I felt lonely and desperate. It seeped into all aspects of my life, with my family and farm business. I recognized something was happening and decided to try to change how I was feeling and go from there. Little things. Small steps. If I didn’t make any traction, I was willing to seek out more help.
Many years earlier out of college I had started practicing yoga, but once I moved to our rural community I didn’t have access to a studio. Sure I could practice at home, but it wasn’t the same. So I feel out of yoga.
Before my daughter’s birth I had noticed a few new studios open in our area. So, ready to do something, anything, to help me out of my “rut” as I labeled it, which I know now was PPD, I decided to start practicing yoga again.
Little by little, I started to feel like myself. Life was still crazy with managing a farm and a newish second child, who still had underlying issues we didn’t yet know about. But it felt doable.
There really wasn’t one moment where I could pin point my transition out, but yoga, with its meditative energy and physical movement, helped me along my way.
It wasn’t until recently, actually today, when I was in my last yoga class at Great Blue Yoga that I came to this realization. Alyssa, our instructor, was guiding us through the class with a reflective mindset on our own yoga journey with her studio until now.
That’s when I realized yoga saved me. From PPD and my own life struggles. It wasn’t one class. It was coming back to the mat week after week, moving from 1x a week to 2-3x. Giving myself grace from my practice when life got busy, and knowing I’d always be back. Putting it on the calendar first, then building the rest of my work around it. It’s grounded me in so many ways.
While this is off my typical topic of all things goats, I want to share a snapshot of where I’m at. We’re all humans, dealing with life. It’s part of who we are and threaded into our daily lives. Bringing it here in bits and pieces, is how I am trying to be authentically me.
P.S. A big thank you to Alyssa and the other yoga instructors I’ve had over the last four years. ?
And, I’m glad that I don’t get to lose Alyssa. I just get to practice yoga in a new space with her new studio location.